Hello everyone! I’ve asked Dansurka, an avid fan of FCP and an extremely good Wenja speaker, to write a guest blog post for the site. He’s decided to discuss other forms of Caveman media. (Naturally) He’s most graciously included a translation after the Wenja, but see how much you can figure out!
Nu salwa Far Cry Primal hu-lijatan. Batari Ull-kwa marwa, tani-waycha palshna, salwa kurpashna hu-waydatan. Ma-nu kway? Kwar alya chawhan pacha magata?
U tawsatan! Aysh sakwim. Shaysman Puri (Quest for Fire) bagayam. Hay muvi 1981-bi, Ron Perlman-ha, Rae Dawn Chong-ha, alya-ha-kwa. Wakwasu, Ulam jinafmas. (Say Winja-way, ma-na pur daha magarsh.) Alya janhas, Wagabu (Say Udam-way) wayka, tu Ulam shlaka. Ulam Wagabu hal-halsh, ma pur Ulambi dafa. Na daha magarsh, tu jarshan tray wantar santaya, ha pur waydarsh. Jarshna muvi, ma ‘ti su.
“Ma”, aysh warhatan, “Na muvi walham. Layda (‘game’) walham. Aysh-kwa hay laydasu mamaf fraja magam, FCP-way, tu sa su-su!” Ta smara! U Mamaf: Chawgra (The Mammoth: A Cave Painting) paratan: hay layda Android-i iPhone-i-kwa. Hay-haywa lijan. Ya layda lijatan, sa chawgra-way. Hay gastiya “laydaka”-su, mashtar mamaf fraja. Si-chardu-bi hay, ha si-putila wayda. Shancha-su, salway marirsh. Mamaf: Chawgra mana-manu, ma hafchu wakwas mamafs mi-charda hayay. Su-su.
Ma-nw-aysh warhatan, “Na muvi na shuta layda walham. Smay-smaya walham. Nu law-lawkas awam. Kw-aysh ‘kartun’ bagaytan?” Ta tawsayam! U Shawsas Krudis (Dawn of the Croods) pachatan. Wakwasu, Krudi, janhas chawhans, jinafmas. “Aaaaah!” nayminsu* chawha arsiyi. Krudi hasarsh:
“Eep”(Ip), yuwanka gwan.
“Grug” (Grag), shajan “Aaaaah!” nayminas, Ipis pashtar.
“Ugga” (Uga), Gragis chamyugi, Ipis mashtar.
“Sandy” (Sam-shidi), bargwa nawashna dugishtar.
“Thunk” (Bum-Bum), mawra brashtar.
“Gran” (Mash-mashtar), Ugas chishta mashtar.
*(Nayminas waydani, “Aaaaah!” supima warshta.)
Shawsas Krudis-i kwatur “sama” (“seasons”). Na parshwa sama su, ma ‘pa salwa jinafmas, sur buha. Kwaturta su-su. U Netflikisu waydatan.
“Ma,” aysh warhatan, “pal-palhu alya chawhan wakwas marsta!” Ta frashta! U kraybaman kacha dahatan, shuta-m Twitar-ha jawhatan (
@SavageTapioca), ham sa shwadatan!
Here’s Dansurka’s translation:
“So you’ve played all of Far Cry Primal. Batari and Ull are dead, your village is full, you have found all the bracelets. But, now what? Where can you see other cavemen?
Be happy! I will help. I suggest “Quest for Fire”. This movie is from 1981, with Ron Perlman, Rae Dawn Chong and others. In the story, we meet the Ulam. (They’re like the Wenja, but they can’t make fire.) Another tribe, the Wagabu, attack, so the Ulam defend. The Ulam drive off the Wagabu, but they lose their fire. They can’t make it, so the elders send three hunters to find fire. An old movie, but still good.
“But”, maybe you say, “I don’t want a movie. I want a game. And if in this game, I can control a mammoth, like FCP, that would be great!” You’re in luck! Try “Mammoth: A Cave Painting” This is a game for Android and iPhone. One player only. This is like a cave painting you play. In this different little game, you control a mother mammoth. She goes from her tribe to find her child. In the end, everybody dies. Mammoth: A Cave Painting is very short, but the powerful story of the mammoth moved me. Very good.
But now you might say, “I don’t want a movie or a game. I want to laugh. And I like bright colors. Can you suggest a cartoon?” I’ll make you happy! Watch “Dawn of the Croods”. In the story, we meet The Croods, a family of cavemen. They have a cave in “Aaaah!” Valley*. The Croods are:
Eep, an adolescent girl,
Grug, leader of Aaaah! valley, Eep’s father.
Ugga, Grug’s wife, Eep’s mother.
Sandy, the violent infant daughter.
Thunk, the dumb brother.
Gran, Ugga’s sneaky mother.
*”Aaaah!” was the valley founder’s last words.
“Dawn of the Croods” has four seasons. The first season’s not good, but after we’ve met everyone, it improves. The fourth season is the best of them. You can find it on Netflix.
“But”, you could say. “You forgot so many caveman stories!” You’re right! You can leave a message below, or tweet at me,
@SavageTapioca, to tell me about them!